Rick had a few things he felt were important to post here, and then Randy did some editing. I’m just going to post their thoughts here – with no editorial control from me.<\/p>\n
-Greg<\/p>\n
—
\nAs we come to the end of our search activities and rely on what the police and SBU are doing in the criminal investigation, mom is trying to \u201creintegrate\u201d \u2013 go to church \u2013 and the store and the gas station \u2013 trying to take up life again.\u00a0 So I thought I\u2019d share a few ideas on what to say (or not to say) upon meeting.\u00a0 These ideas could apply more generally to other family members \u2013 but especially to mom.<\/p>\n
Greetings So what do you say when you see mom??? What would be best NOT to say. What can you say about dad? Speculation Thank you for what you have done. Financial issues. General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Mail them to: —<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Rick had a few things he felt were important to post here, and then Randy did some editing. I’m just going to post their thoughts here – with no editorial control from me. -Greg — As we come to the end of our search activities and rely on what the police and SBU are doing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-237","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=237"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":243,"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/237\/revisions\/243"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=237"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=237"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sloop.net\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=237"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nThe one greeting that we all use all the time is \u201cHow are you Sharlene?\u201d\u00a0 But there is no good answer to the \u201chow are you?\u201d question.\u00a0 Should she say \u201cTerrible\u201d?, or \u201cOK\u201d?, or \u201cGreat\u201d?\u00a0 None of these answers seem appropriate.\u00a0 And further, the question \u201cHow are you?\u201d invites a discussion of all those deep and awful emotions that grip her (and us) in a time like this \u2013 and you might be the 24th<\/sup> person to ask this question today!\u00a0 Revisiting those emotions over and over each day \u2013 and putting them into words over and over \u2013 just makes recovery harder. In fact, our own speech has the single largest impact on our emotions- even larger than the words we hear others say.\u00a0 This is one reason Paul says, \u201c <\/sup>Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable– if anything is excellent or praiseworthy– think about such things.\u201d Philippians 4:8 (or we could just as well say \u201cspeak about such things!\u201d) So even though it is second nature to ask this \u201chow are you?\u201d question, consider trying a different approach.<\/p>\n
\nYou can\u2019t just pretend nothing has happened!\u00a0 Maybe better greetings would include \u201cSo good to see you\u2026\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve been missing you\u2026\u201d,\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve been praying for you\u2026\u201d,\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve been praying for Jay\u2026\u201d, \u201cWe\u2019ve missed your music\u2026\u201d, \u201cSo good to see you playing again\u2026\u201d,\u00a0 (mom is a musician \u2013 organ and piano — and you can probably give this greeting honestly even if you don\u2019t like organ music!\u201d) etc., etc.\u00a0 Then she can respond \u201cThank you so much\u201d but not be forced to repeat everything that has happened.\u00a0 And of course you can always tell mom your favorite Bible text.\u00a0 These are so encouraging.<\/p>\n
\nI would recommend avoiding, \u201cDid you think of this\u2026\u201d, \u201cDid you try that\u2026\u201d, \u201cWhat about calling so and so\u2026\u201d, \u201cWhat if you tried\u2026\u201d, \u201cIf only\u2026\u201d, etc. etc.\u00a0 First, mom has not been directing the search or making decisions about what to do next.\u00a0 Further, almost every imaginable idea and possible solution has already been explored.\u00a0While those discussions and findings have not been posted on the blog, be assured that the investigation has been both exhaustive and comprehensive.\u00a0 While these questions or suggestions may be well intentioned, they reopen inappropriate feelings of guilt that maybe she did not do enough. She has those thoughts anyway, and part of the healing process is to get beyond these issues.<\/p>\n
\nYou can always say things like \u201cJay delivered my two kids\u2026\u201d, \u201cHe was the best doctor I ever had\u2026\u201d (only if it\u2019s true of course!), or \u201cI loved to hear his health talks \u2013 they were so practical!\u201d, or \u201cJay was so encouraging to me when\u2026\u201d or \u201cRemember that time when\u2026\u201d (recollections of a good memory).<\/p>\n
\nAnd lastly, this might seem obvious, but don\u2019t speculate on what happened\u2026, \u201cHow Jay died\u2026\u201d\u00a0 We don\u2019t know what happened or how he might have died. At this point we do not even know for sure that he is dead. So these imaginings are never good ones to think on.<\/p>\n
\nPeople have<\/i> been helping in so many ways.\u00a0 \u00a0And the support from everyone, those at home and those far away, has been amazing indeed and truly appreciated.\u00a0 So, thank you for all your prayers \u2013 your encouragement \u2013 your friendship.\u00a0 These mean more than ever in the rough times!<\/p>\n
\nMany people have called and offered to help financially. Thank you for your offers, but we are able to cover our expenses within the family.\u00a0 If you wish to contribute in a financial way, Adventist Risk Management is keeping a separate fund for the development of\u00a0Kyiv Adventist Medical Center. This is the reason that dad went to the Ukraine to begin with. It has been on a bumpy path for the last several years, but has been getting close to opening. If you feel that you would like to help with this project you may make checks payable to:<\/p>\n
\n[Mark them as donations to the Kyiv medical center.]<\/p>\n
\nAtt: Bob Kyte
\nAdventist Risk Management
\n12501 Old Columbia Pike
\nSilver Spring MD 20904<\/p>\n